shooting the moon

There are some things in life that are irreplaceable…

1. being kissed by the one you love.

2. snuggles under a warm blanket with said love.

3. harvest moons that look like they could eat the world and not be full.

4. music for the exact right moment.

5. friends who stick  up for you, even when you are probably wrong.

6. the feeling you get falling into bed after a really long day.

7. fresh coffee in the mornings, hot tea at night.

8. the perfect book that keeps you on the edge of your seat.

9. acing a paper or test that you worked hard on

10. Finishing a long novel.

11. finding someone who understands you as you are, and loves you no matter what that is.

So, my life has been a little bit all over the place

and I’ve rarely had time to sit down, let alone attempt to write a blog post on here and get it put up. I’ve been working like crazy for our store opening in the mall nearest to me, and I’ve been shuffling back and forth from classes and pounding out assignments like clockwork. This Wednesday Ben and I go home for Thanksgiving at my house, which should be very interesting. Let’s just hope that no one gets too drunk and decides to tell random stories about me to Ben.

I’ve been told I need to go back into inpatient, and at this point it might be over Christmas break. Keeping healthy and sane is a lot harder than people make it out to be. Dr. Billard is not at all happy with my weight, which I still think should be lower, and neither is anyone else. It’s scary when everyone else treats you like you are going to break because you look skeletal but you can’t see it no matter how long you stare in the mirror.

I’ve also been trying to write more. Mostly random creative pieces, but still. It’s nice to get back into something that makes me happy and distracts me.

I’ll try to post more, but I doubt anyone is really interested in my life.

"

Somewhere weakness is our strength
And I’ll die searching for it
I can’t let myself regret, such selfishness

My pain and all the trouble caused
No matter how long
I believe that there’s hope

Buried beneath it all and
Hiding beneath it all and
Growing beneath it all

"

sorry for  not posting so much recently. Everything’s been kind of a big rush around here and I’m trying hard to just make it through the day, let alone be able to post everyday. Work is going well, though it’s a hassle to get to the other mall. I’ll be seriously relieved when I don’t have to travel so far and I can not worry about being late.

I am NOT looking forward to Thanksgiving. I don’t understand that holiday, or how it’s supposed to be amazing. All I see is a day specifically set aside for us to eat until we are so full we can’t move. Kind of like how most people do every day. I suppose I should be more receptive to it. Whatever.

anyways, I have to go to work.

I got a job at Express, which is a win overall. Money isn’t as much of a problem now in my mind so that’s one less thing to freak out about. Now keeping it after the holidays will be a challenge. The store is brand new in our mall, and isn’t opening until mid-November but I’m currently working at the neighboring mall.

Classes are going well. I just want to make sure my gpa stays solid and I’ll be good. Its hard to focus when you are in such a funk though. I explained this really well to my friend- depression cycles. One day you are fine, the next it’s horrible and all you want to do is curl up in a ball and never leave bed, and it stays like that for awhile- you can’t see an end to it so you shut down. It lasts a couple days if you’re lucky, weeks or months if your not. And one day it gets a little better and everything is okay for awhile. A week, a month or two or even six; but sometimes it’s only a day that you feel better and then you’re back where you started, and thats when people lose hope.

i won’t give up on you

so don’t give up on me?

(Source: fightoffyerdemons, via achangeinpace)

Does anyone even see me?